Adults

There are some adults in this world that I deal with that are so immature. I am not sure how they are happy inside with the things they display on the outside. Why has the world turned into such a jealous lifestyle that has us always trying to out do the next person, or try to be better then the next person. What happened to the attitude that we are just happy for people when they do well, or when they get something. Where did that all go. To many times we are so worried that we might not get something, or we might miss out on something. If you have that fear, then jump in and accomplish things you want to accomplish. Go achieve the things you want to achieve. But stop trying to bring people down with you, when you do those things. Do them for yourself. Work hard for yourself. People just need to stop worrying so much about what the other person is getting or doing. Life is short. Have fun and enjoy your life, whatever that might be.

Go out and make the best of it.

Wow

I find it so funny that yesterday I posted about my mornings waking up, and what I have to look forward to, and boom it happened this morning.

When I started this crazy blog thins, I wrote about a woman that I really respected, and how she really touched my life. I was giving her all kinds of credit, and then as the days went on, I wrote about how she changed things so fast by a few words that she tried to tell.

This morning I woke up to a text from her. It was so out of the blue that I had to read it a few times actually. I was blown away by what it said. I am telling you. My mornings and what I wake up with, there is never a dull moment ever.

Waking Up

So my world is a little different then most people out there. When I go to bed, I give thanks for whatever I need to give thanks for. Mainly that I am still alive and I have not taken to many people down and out of my path that day. When I finally lay down I always say to myself, "Tomorrow has got to be better then today" My next thought is, what am I going to wake up to through out the night. My phone will usually ring a few times through out the night. Sometimes they are good calls and others are a waste of my time. Depending on how early my phone rings, will determine how my day will be. That is crazy isn't it? Who wakes up wondering how their phone will ring and how that will set the tone for the day. What a life I live. It is a good thing I like it most of the days.

Some Things Better Left Unsaid

Do you ever have days that things are going well and you are enjoying your day, then Smack. Something happens and within a blink of an eye, your mood changes, your thoughts change and everything about the day has now changed. I have learned on those days, to just keep my mouth shut and not say anything more. I open my mouth sometimes when I just should have bit my tongue and let certain things fly out the window. But instead I have to say, oh well next time I won't say a word. And then I have to go about my day like things are A ok.

So with all of that being said, I will try harder to leave things unsaid and put a lovely smile on my face and hold back the words and just say it so no one can hear.

Holding Onto Something

I don't know about you, but do you ever need something to hold onto or look forward to so you can make it one more day? I know I like to have something to look forward to so that each day does not seem like the day I just had yesterday. Some days just go on and on. You wonder when something will change. Something all of a sudden changes, and it is like dang, I was not ready for that. I like to look forward to a trip or a event. It helps me get thru my days that just run together. Lately when the late afternoon hits, I sit there and think, oh my gosh, I have to do all of this tomorrow. Get up, shower, do make up and hair and do the same thing again. I know sounds, crazy, but believe me. Day after day it gets old. I want to look forward to a trip, or a really neat event or ANYTHING that is not my normal day. I just want a trip. I think a trip might change my day or weeks up a little. I know I am not looking forward to Winter. That sounds awful. I like sunshine and warm days to sit outside and enjoy the kids. I don't like to be stuck inside where no one sees each other for 5 months. You forget you even have neighbors. To funny.

So here is to looking forward to something. I hope everyone has something to look forward too. I hope I can find something.

Rainbows

As we drove through the mountains the other night, there were 2 beautiful rainbows. One was right above the other one. As we got closer to them the colors were so bright. I thought of a rainbow compared to life. Sometimes things in our lives are so bright that you do not want them to ever end. Other times when they start to fade away you are ok with that, or maybe not. A rainbow always has such perfect color formation, perfect color, perfect alignment. You can look at a rainbow and just stare at it and be amazed how it never ends, it just keeps going and following you as you are driving. If life could only be like a rainbow. What would the world be like. Would every thing be just so perfect that we would get bored, or would things be less complicated because things would be so simple and defined. Just interesting when you think about it.

My Stomach

My stomach will not stop hurting. It does not hurt like I have anxiety. It hurts like something is not sitting right. I know why I have it, I just can't seem to get it to go away. I will be so ready for this to be over with already. Everyday something new is discovered and it always seems to pin point it back to we were right. I am sure as heck not saying we are perfect, but we really keep figuring things out. It is so interesting to me that as you start talking thru things with people, that your memory is jogged and you think of different things that will help you solve the issue at hand. I want to lay it all out on a table for everyone to see it, have every person involved at the table, and then let's see who starts talking. It goes back to, can everyone look each other in the eyes as they are talking. That will be the true test. I know this can not happen because people want to make a few bucks. That bites because I think that could solve it all fast.

So we will sit and wait it out again to see where the next ball is thrown. I hope I can keep hanging in there to see this thing thru. I am not sure how many more I can take. On the other hand, I better just suck it up because as long I am doing this, this kind of crap will keep getting thrown at me.

Welcome

Wow, isn't it interesting where life can take us. We may cross paths with people and wonder why, we met at that time. When you you start talking or reading about that person, something will usually jump out and touch your heart. We often are to fast to push it aside and not reflect on why. Thanks for crossing my path today. I hope that if anything else, I will make you laugh, or cry, or even wonder why, we were led down this path today.

I met a lady today that has touched my life. She has done the most unselfish thing any mother could ever do. What a lot of people do not see is what she has done is given a little girl the life that she has always dreamed of her to have. Sometimes that choice does not allow you to be the one that gets to snuggle her in at night, or wash the dirty face just right. You may not even get to hear her cry. What is does let you do, is remember the time you had one on one, and remember the smell on her checks when you held her so tight. People can tell you how they feel, people can tell you how you will fail. What they can not tell you is how you will sail.

You will hold your head high even when they tear you down. You will hold your head high when a tear gets in your eye. Tears will come and tears will go, you will never be able to control the flow. Don't let anyone get you down, because until they take that one small stroll, they will never know.

Adoption is such a bitter sweet experience that everyone can cast their vote on. Some will agree and others will fight it in all degrees. It is the ones that do not have the knowledge that seem to find the defeat. It does not take long to ask a few questions. It does not take long to get you in the right direction. It does take long for you to battle, when you are swimming uphill with no paddle. You can never ask to many questions. You can never feel ashamed, or pass any judgement. So I will tell you again, and don't ask why. Hold your head high, even when you laugh or cry.

Do You Listen?

Have you ever had a time when you are talking to someone and you just need to talk? As you are talking and needing to get somethings off your chest, or just need to vent, or even just have an ear to listen to you and as you are talking the person you are talking to says, "Oh my gosh I know, I had the same thing happen to me", and then they start to tell you their story. I mean, come on, are you kidding me. It amazes me how many people do that, including myself. There are times though, when I just need to talk and get things off my chest. I could care less if you have had the same experience and feel like you need to share it. Just listen to me is all I am asking for.

I am sure all of us feel the same way about this. How do we fix it? How do we become a better listener for people so people will be better listeners for us? If you know how, please fill me in.

There are just days out there that maybe the person we are suppose to be listening to, is really crying out for help and we are so caught up in our self that we miss the sign to help someone in need. Take a step back next time you are talking to someone and see if you are suppose to be listening instead of carrying on about what you are doing or have done. You just never know who you might be helping.

One of Those Days

Today was one of those days that I woke up with the biggest lump in my throat and my heart was so heavy. Something was not right and I could not pin point what it was. I hate days like that. They just suck. There are no other words out there to describe it. As I had to get ready to go to work, I was not doing to well by getting my stuff together and even holding it together. I kept dragging and dragging and I hate when that happens. I had a lot to accomplish and the rate I was going, I was headed for disaster. I finally got out the door and as I was driving to work a few thoughts hit my mind. I tried to figure things out and wanted a solution very fast on how I was going to fix this day that I was now an hour late to where I needed to be. My solution was, "whatever is going to happen will happen, so just suck it up". That was not what I wanted at all. I don't just suck things up. I go and fix it and then take down everyone that gets in my way. I sent a few texts off to some people and made a phone call to someone that was weighing heavy on my mind. I went to voicemail and left a message. I knew right then that the message I left was going to have an affect on me today. I did not know when, but I knew it would play out. The day went on and I did not get much done of what I had set out to do.

I try everyday to make a difference somehow. I don't care if it is in someone's life or in life in general. I always try to do something though. It is usually something small that gets unnoticed, but that is how I like things. I was really failing today on making a difference. Right when you think you have things figured out, you find out that you really don't. Right when you think things will turn around they don't. I really am done with the crap that has been going around. I am ready for things to turn around and have things start looking up. I don't care if it is something small, just freaking turn around all ready.

People touch my life all the time. I am luckysomedays that I get to talk to a lot of people that really have made a difference in my life. Some good some bad. I hope that I can take what I have been taught and return that favor sometime to the many people that have done me a favor. That is what I wanted to happen today. I guess just because I wanted it, does not mean that I always get what I want. Well I thought I did, where did I miss that memo at.

So for the one person that really gave me the lump in my throat, I figured out who you were. It took until tonight to figure it out. You controlled my day, you controlled my night. I will not let you control my life. What is done is done. You have to move on. I never said it would be easy. I told you and so did others, what you were doing was going to be the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. What you are doing is something you can never ever go back and hit rewind. What you are doing will forever change your life. You were the only one that could make that change and move forward with pain. That pain will surround you, that pain will try to control you, but that pain can not over take you. Hold your head high and don't keep asking why. Make a difference today and tell them why.

Change

I don't know to many people that like Change. It can freak you right out, or it can make you so excited that you can not even see straight. One thing I know is, change can open the door for many new opportunities. Usually good things happen with change.

I am about to make a huge change. I really think this will be a good thing, but I have a little bit of nervousness deep down. I feel a huge relief when I think of the future. I know that many new things are about to become of this change and what more could a person ask for. So as myself and a few others make this change, I wish us the best and with a smile on our face we will hold our heads high and look to the sky, knowing that the doors are open and we are going to take off and fly.

So here is to us, Hold on for the new ride.

Not Sure

Do you ever have those days that you are not sure? Well today is one of those days. While I was getting ready for church, I could not pin point what was going on or what I was feeling. I had mixed emotions. I always blame those feelings on, oh, I should just stay home, that would solve everything and I would feel so much better. My stomach was doing a few flip flops, my head could not stop thinking, and I walked out and saw that my kids had decorated the house with all of their blankets and garbage. I was not a happy camper at all at this point. I decided to pull it together and get my crap together and get to church. I am not the most active person in the world in my church and my poor dad worries about me, but I do have a very strong testimony. I try to tell my dad not to worry about me, but I think as parents we will always worry about our kids. Today was a day that I am glad I made it to church. It was one of those days that I needed to hear what was said. I don't know if you are religious or not, but do you ever have those times when you swear they are talking to you? It is like they knew what you needed to hear. I had that today. I am glad I got my crap together and made it. I still am having a day that I am not to sure how I feel, but I can tell you this. I know what I felt today and that will get me thru it until I pin point the other.

Lies

I like many of you, have some things in life that bug us. One of the things that about put me over the edge is lying. We all have done it, and some of us may even continue to do it. It is not going to get you any further ahead then where you are now if you lie. You will get caught. I am sure there are many people that try and try to cover more and more things up. As they start to cover things up, they get deeper and deeper in their web of lies. I am not sure how they can sleep at night, let alone look people in the eye. Maybe that is why so many people do not look at people in the eye because they are full of lies.

I am struggling with something I heard yesterday. There is a person that has stated the biggest lie she could ever state. It hit someone so hard when she heard what the lie was, that I thought I was going to lose her. You see this lie hit this person right in the heart. The person that lied is going to cause more damage to people then she might have ever thought could be possible. She is leading some people down a path that they do not know much about. Because of that they could cause more damage then anyone would ever ask for. This person that has lied would never be able to look this other person ever in the eyes. Her web of lies will not be able to last long. How could they not eat her alive. How does she sleep, how does she eat, how does she even wake up in the morning and go about her day? She is going to crumble, she is going to fail. You can not live your life full of lies. You will get caught. Everyone usually does.

The person that took this lie so close to her heart is one of the most incredible person I have ever met. She holds her integrity higher then you can ever imagine. She is looked at by others as a very reputable person. She is looked at as very professional, very ethical, very intelligent and the one person you would want on your side. She has the biggest heart, the most concern for a human, the friend that you would miss if she was gone. I am proud to say that she is my friend. I am honored to know her. The person that has lied has no idea who she truly is dealing with.

To the person out there that has caused this lie. You know what you have done, you know what you did. You did everything on your on free will. You held your head high when you did not lie. You blessed people that are going to ask why. You will cause more pain then you will ever want to bear. You think the pain was hard when you left? You have no idea what is ahead of you. I don't want even to think what you will live with for the rest of your life. How will you ever hold your head high. How will you ever remember the time, when your life was right before your eyes, before you told us, you wanted to die.

True Statement

Boy is my title so true today. Something has happened today that has made me really look back at actions and tried to play things over and over in my head of what has just hit. The more and more I think about things, the more and more I know without a doubt in my mind, that our actions and our choices, put us where we are today. You see, it is called free agency. We all have it, we all can use it. When we do decide to use it, it can change everything. Boy how that can make a difference. Sometimes it could be good, sometimes it can just suck. No other words for it. I will have to sit here and keep pondering on what has happened today. Someday I will be able to tell the tale.