One of Those Days

Today was one of those days that I woke up with the biggest lump in my throat and my heart was so heavy. Something was not right and I could not pin point what it was. I hate days like that. They just suck. There are no other words out there to describe it. As I had to get ready to go to work, I was not doing to well by getting my stuff together and even holding it together. I kept dragging and dragging and I hate when that happens. I had a lot to accomplish and the rate I was going, I was headed for disaster. I finally got out the door and as I was driving to work a few thoughts hit my mind. I tried to figure things out and wanted a solution very fast on how I was going to fix this day that I was now an hour late to where I needed to be. My solution was, "whatever is going to happen will happen, so just suck it up". That was not what I wanted at all. I don't just suck things up. I go and fix it and then take down everyone that gets in my way. I sent a few texts off to some people and made a phone call to someone that was weighing heavy on my mind. I went to voicemail and left a message. I knew right then that the message I left was going to have an affect on me today. I did not know when, but I knew it would play out. The day went on and I did not get much done of what I had set out to do.

I try everyday to make a difference somehow. I don't care if it is in someone's life or in life in general. I always try to do something though. It is usually something small that gets unnoticed, but that is how I like things. I was really failing today on making a difference. Right when you think you have things figured out, you find out that you really don't. Right when you think things will turn around they don't. I really am done with the crap that has been going around. I am ready for things to turn around and have things start looking up. I don't care if it is something small, just freaking turn around all ready.

People touch my life all the time. I am luckysomedays that I get to talk to a lot of people that really have made a difference in my life. Some good some bad. I hope that I can take what I have been taught and return that favor sometime to the many people that have done me a favor. That is what I wanted to happen today. I guess just because I wanted it, does not mean that I always get what I want. Well I thought I did, where did I miss that memo at.

So for the one person that really gave me the lump in my throat, I figured out who you were. It took until tonight to figure it out. You controlled my day, you controlled my night. I will not let you control my life. What is done is done. You have to move on. I never said it would be easy. I told you and so did others, what you were doing was going to be the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. What you are doing is something you can never ever go back and hit rewind. What you are doing will forever change your life. You were the only one that could make that change and move forward with pain. That pain will surround you, that pain will try to control you, but that pain can not over take you. Hold your head high and don't keep asking why. Make a difference today and tell them why.